Hot Boudin, Cold Cous-Cous...

Let’s Make Urban Cry Again: Week 6 Preview Part Two:

Any mention of any apparent LSU favoritism by media prognosticators has just been taken to a new level. And I’m loving it. No, really, I can’t hear enough stories about why Glenn Dorsey is nicknamed ‘Putt’ (he liked a putt putt commercial as a kid—kind of lame, play defense), why Florida won’t come up with any effective offensive schemes, and why JaMarcus is the best quarterback EVAR now. Here’s EDSBS’s take on it:

Rejected headers included:

“Chris Leak folds skirts, runs for panic room weeping at mere mention of Bo Pelini.”

“Les Miles: ‘It’s not arrogance if you really do expect to drink beer from your opponent’s polished skull after the game’.”

“Beano Cook: Gators will be devastated by Heisman hopeful Billy Cannon.”

“ESPN INsider prediction: Florida stands exactly zero fucking chance of getting so much as a goddamned fucking first down, you miserable shitbag.”

Let’s play football, my hands are cold.

So rise early at 9 tomorrow, Tiger fans, because Desmond Howard is featuring Putt et al. in an extended segment! Alright, Tyson Jackson facetime. The money line for Marlon Favorite (the best rapper on the team) dropping a flow is approximately -220 right now.

BIG FAV

This week is completely different from three weeks ago for me. I actually like Florida and pull for them about 80% of the time. Just two teams who’ve gotten better partly due to the fact that they play each other every year. Okay, one. The thing that worries me the most is Florida kind of resembles a 2005 Alabama with offense… they’ve simply found a way to win close games while taking a purely week-by-week approach to a title. That’s fine, Russell To Bowe paced any ‘Bama hopes of winning anything other than the Cotton Bowl. We might as well rename it the SBC Bowl Featuring a Senior-Heavy SEC West Team with Silly Notions of Winning a Conference Title Until LSU Came to Town. Let’s do it, Tigers.

Just saw a shot of Our Favorite Amish-Bearded One walking around the Swamp in a pimp brown plaid suit. Let’s fucking do it.

When Florida has the ball

An eerily similar situation as ours—no tangible running game with or without DeShaun Wynn (I actually want him to play), freakishly good wide receivers, and a veteran quarterback who’s sometimes not all there. The two biggest differences, and they are related: an offense that spreads the field east-west more effectively, and Tebow.

Watching highlights of last year’s game, though, I noticed we swarmed to the spread offense exceptionally fast, especially when the ball was near or behind the line of scrimmage. But you might as well not even try to compare last year’s Florida spread and this year’s version. Is it just me, or does Urban Meyer pull out his best Jim Mora Jr. impression in close games? I wouldn’t trust coaches like that. Oh, wait, we have one.

Nike doesn't like this guy too much, I'm guessing

Our defensive line will dominate… I’m more certain about that than anything else. This is the most inexperienced line in a long time for Florida? OK, we’ll take it. The key is our play of midrange linebackers like Darry Beckwith and Jesse (gasp!) Daniels, who will line up at the will for the first time this week. If we can play a good, smart, non-overaggressive containment, we’re set. I just think Florida might put something together that really makes our defensive aggression backfire on us.

When things aren’t going too well early for UF, and they seem to be a slow starter this year, Tebow will be called on frequently. I just don’t get it with him. He runs the same play every time; even Tyson and Ricky understand that. We’ve already faced one Matt Jones in the past few years. And he actually threw the ball.

Prediction

We come out blazing with a new-look Jimbo taking full reins and score on our first drive. Then we play Miles ball for a little too long, and Florida inches back into it. And then we realize that time’s getting pretty low, and decide to score pretty late in the game. So, it’s almost exactly like the 2005 game, hopefully without the five turnovers. LSU 20 Florida 10 Final.

Get tough, Tigers.

- P.T.