Hot Boudin, Cold Cous-Cous...

Hey, We Have a Football Team To Cover: Cleaning Out My TAF Emails:

I know, I know, it's been over a week since any direct mentioning of the Bengal Tigers. I'm rationalizing this game the following way: if we lose, this will be the best LSU team ever to not have a 'signature' moment... that's some consolation, right? It's difficult to come up with optimism when we've faced Auburn and Florida on the road at their respective peaks, and Tennessee just keeps finding ways to win in the fourth quarter. I'd like to say I'm a nervous wreck, or this game is all I can think about, or I'll be devastated if we lose, but I'd be lying. Time's running out for this talented team to make 2006 a halfway memorable season.

“The LSU crowd has the ability to make Tiger Stadium a powerful home-field advantage... Against Tennessee, I was disappointed they would boo their own team after all the players, coaches and community had gone through, and there were times they just weren’t loud.”
- Holly Rowe of ESPN

Hey Holly, who the fuck are you? We'll boo our team-- less than a month after Katrina, mind you-- whenever we please, thanks. Yeah, we'll let a brand-new coach know that he's not going to be able to Schottenheimer second halves in the SEC, or give up 21-point halftime leads to teams in orange jerseys. And, yes, it's tough to make noise when you're watching Rick Clausen throw at will in your team's home opener. Now go eat lunch with Shelley Smith everday, Holly.

Sam Ryan definitely makes fun of you behind your back. Even Berman wouldn't make eyes at you.

"I would tell guys to eat, and they’d say, ‘Coach, I’m not hungry.’ With all that was going on, they lost their appetites because of stress and everything."
- Team nutritionist Tommy Moffitt, on post-Katrina preparation last season

Uh, Tommy, might want to stay away from Alley Broussard for awhile. Also, from sports agents eyeing some of your best defensive players, inviting themselves over to your house, and getting arrested by campus police. How's this dude still with the team then? Yeah, you kind of fucked up, Katrina or not, if everyone was cramping during last year's Tennessee game.

Tell me somebody locked the 'Cat inside West Campus Apts. on Halloween night.

"With a mop of golden hair and a penchant for words like “awesome” and “dude,” Steltz fits the description of a free-spirited soul that might be found wandering along the California coast looking for the next big wave."
- The Advocate

Craig Steltz has earned himself a newspaper feature! It's basically hollow, though, and goes on and on about how hard Surfer Boy hits, along with the story of his brother playing fullback and Saban's courtship of a Jack Hunt 2.0 (but much better). Good read.

Gaudet: "Hey, surfer boy! You hit hard."

“I kind of blocked it out. But it’s something that ... I mean ... I could have prevented Chevis from having a muffed punt or something like that, or maybe it would have changed the outcome of the game or changed the momentum or something like that.”
- FS Country Daniels, on his non-block against UF

Yeah, something like that. Why are we still talking about this? Yeah, let's get Les to call out specific players not making plays in big games in his press conferences... that'll do wonders for team chemistry.

"He looked at me and he said, ‘What happened?’ I said, ‘I just froze. I don’t know'"
- Country

You're... still... my favorite... player...? Are we even that talented anymore? I want to be underrated again; let's go back to 2001.

So that's what J-C-D did during his couple weeks off.

"Bowe, who struggled with dropped passes as a sophomore and junior, is having his best season at LSU and is tied for the school record for career touchdown receptions (21). A reporter wondering if offseason LASIK surgery helped Bowe..."
- The Advocate

What is it with this LASIK story? This isn't even like some bushleague J.P. Sports halftime feature; this is The Advocate! Didn't we see this in, like, April?

Offensive Playbook, page 9.

"Davis shrugged off a question about LASIK surgery, saying he didn’t need it, but he admitted his natural vision isn’t the best. 'I have bad vision,' Davis said. 'That’s why I wear contacts.'"
- Buster to The Advocate

I'm really confident about our special teams, in any situation, if you're scoring at home. True, we are an injury away from pacing Daniel Francis back there, who's pretty much the conscious investor's Demetrius Hookfin. I think I've matured enough to avoid another joke about how easy it must be for Buster to get contacts in those big ol' eyes.

"But there's another "11" floating around this week, and that involves LSU's all-time performance at Neyland Stadium, the home of the Volunteers. There, the Tigers are 1-11-1."
- Times Picayune

As they say in SEGA Jam'mit: "Keep it comin'." I'll take a hearty helping of reverse psychology, or reverse jinx, or whatever, at this point. I'm desperate. Come on, Tigers, give me a reason to get excited about ordering my Cotton Bowl ticket.

Ever wonder what that white girl was doing just hanging out in the ghetto at, like, two in the morning? Still, she was the best of the three, I think.

"I won't know about Erik until we get to practice for the next couple of days, and then we'll see. If that's not to be, then I am fully confident that Jonathan Crompton will do just fine."
- Phillip "Cheee-eeese" Fulmer

Can I officially make fun of Jonathan Crompton yet? Granted, Tennessee's backup looked a Bart Starr in Baton Rouge last season, but what are the odds of that happening again? Jonathan Crompton, clipboard ninja.

Is that some peach fuzz coming in, Johnny? Better not say much, dude's wearing an Elite 11 shirt. Hey, we have an Elite 11 third-string QB!

“It actually was kind of bad toward the end of practice... If you’re running by, running routes, you can smell it real bad. You might just stop in your tracks and just cover your face up. They need to get rid of that. That’s foul.”
- Buster, on a busted sewer main discovered near Alex Box Stadium

This has been an unusual season.

- P.T.