Mississippi State is Ten Points Better Than Auburn: Week 5 Recap:

So much for getting off to a slow start. I'm pretty sure JaMarcus checks HTF right after the team movie on Friday nights just for that extra motivation... by the way, you suck balls. Two incomplete passes ain't gonna work in Tigertown, freak.

Go go gadget arm

I didn't quite feel like making the crosstown drive to Shoal Creek Saloon, so I was prepared to pick up a radio broadcast somewhere online and let the soothing voice of Jim Hawthorne join me and Incompressible Flow. But apparently you can't get Tiger broadcasts from 870, or anyone, online. Terrible.

Just when I was prepared to Gamecast it begrudgingly, my own yahoo.com had 'Watch Mississippi St. at LSU live' (!). Right as I joined the broadcast, Craig "Buster" Davis was pinballing his way in for a 7-0 lead.

Your QB rating is not nearly where it needs to be, JR

The game was never in doubt, even with Omarr Conner playing better than he ever dreamed of. Sportscasters would say our offense was 'workmanlike'; that's usually a term reserved for teams who can run the football. Justin Vincent is the personification of jaded senioritis-- he could absolutely do anything right now and I wouldn't be fazed. Actually, him running for ten yards on first down might require its own column. But Tiger fans still have taken a liking to Charles Scott, since, for one, he hasn't eaten himself into a higher 40 time and subsequent blown NFL opportunity. Scott looked moderately good against a supposedly decent State front seven. We'll definitely see next week (when he should get the start).

It's pretty difficult to find a cool-looking Chaz Scott photo

JaMarcus had a career day: 18/20, 330, 3 TD to three different receivers. He also had the best ball I've ever seen him throw, which is kind of impressive. It was just your garden-variety flushed-out-of-the-pocket, off-of-one-foot, 55-yard heave to the freshman tight end in coverage. Um, yes, he's the best quarterback on the team.

Defense played tough early, and in the middle of the 2nd, we had one more point (35) than they had yards of offense (34). Pellini must love those statistics as much as I do.

Jake, however, is DECEPTIVELY ATHLETIC

What's up with giving up 17 points, though? Uh, we're surrendering 7.4 points per game now, which most certainly won't be #1 in the country. And the second-string defense looks like shiit, against Omarr Conner and Anthony Scelfo, no less. Herbstreit says we're the best defense in the land, though, and that's gospel.

That rain delay really took the wind out of our sails, and those shots of the team lying prone in the locker room weren't too comforting, either. You realize we play the fifth-ranked team next week, right? I wanted Miles to be a lot more pissed off than he was, and we'll see what happens during the week. We simply gave up way too many yards in the second half against an offense our anything-string defense is better than. Blame it on the delay, I guess, but I wanted some more shots of Miles getting pissed, Lincoln Financial.

I'm guessing Dad didn't leave the metal bleachers

So onto Gainesville next week. We match up really well against UF, but something just doesn't seem right here. I'm worried JR will regress into 2004 mode, except there's no Marcus Randall to back him up. Also, Florida won't lose to Mississippi State this year, either.

- P.T.

I'm Still Not Over That 1999 Controversy: Let's Make It 14 Out of 15, Tigers:

I take it for granted that we can write off a divisional opponent every year as easily as a rent-a-win Regional Tech State... and that divisional opponent is none other than the cowbell-wielding, Sly-following Mississippi State Bulldogs.

This is coincidentally the general expression of State fans leaving the stadium

I've always been a little perplexed by State-- their fans always look like they'd rather be somewhere else, and their alumni are way too patient with mediocrity/failure, especially being in the SEC. It's almost as if their role has been defined, and they just feel resigned enough to play it every year.

Florida has beaten State 1 out of the past 2 times

And then they do things like go and win the SEC West in 1997, or steal a win from us in Starkville in 1999, or even beat Florida in 2004. I can't really say much more about State. I'm pretty sure Omar Conner has been granted eight years of eligibility from the NCAA, and no one's really complaining. Sly Croom's race will force State into one or two more years of unnecessary losing. I'll still pull for them in the Egg Bowl every year. (Is there anything more consistently depressing/disgusting than the Egg Bowl on Thanksgiving night? I mean, I stuff myself all day into a half-consciousness, only to be awakened with mental images from the phrase 'Egg Bowl.' Thanks, Mississippi.)

This photo actually taken during the 1999 SEC Championship

State doesn't stand a chance against us, and hasn't really beaten us since 1991. All signs point to total domination tomorrow, with State's completely inept offense and our top-rated defense. And then they make us play at 11:30 in the morning. The odds of Chevis Jackson regaining consciousness at 10:55 AM on the floor of a West Campus apartment are currently at 5-2.

I wholeheartedly trust this man with fielding punts

And, oh, will we be sluggish tomorrow. One of my favorite things about LSU in the '00s is how businesslike we've become. Gone are the days of us coming out flat and pooh-poohing a game against a much worse Ole Miss team in 1997. Oh, wait, that was an 11:30 game, too.

Seriously, get up

We'll end up winning like 35-6, but the halftime score will be 14-3 or so. We've scored on our first three possessions in each of our wins this season (I think), but that streak will most certainly be snapped tomorrow. In fact, the defense will probably score before the offense (Zenon?). Starting sluggishly is not necessarily a bad thing-- we certainly need a wake-up call before going into Gainesville next week, where the home team has won 11 straight.

Glenn Dorsey wants to be on you

So get up early, drink an Irish coffee, rub the sleep out of your eyes, and hit up Gatti's post-game this week, Tiger fans. Mississippi State is always a fun, methodical, sun-burned weekend.

- P.T.

I've Got a Ben Roethlisberger Fever: Another Excuse:

Blogs that keep apologizing for themselves never seem to last long. Really, I wanted to either write an article on the Saints/Monday night's game or a in-praise-of-the-LSU-defense/media recap. But, no, apparently the air quality here is much better than that of New Orleans, and I've come down with a terrabull cold. Also, it could've had something to do with not remembering anything on Thursday night and being in Ms. Mae's for any extended amount of time.

There's a reason NOPD is right across Magazine

Roethlisberger fever, weakness, sore throat, nose, everything. So consider this a holdover before I go T.O. the shit out of this illness.

• The whole 'Who's starting at quarterback for Arizona this week?' is really irritating. Not only does it directly affect my fantasy team, it's another opportunity for ESPN to cover up their often amateur journalism. I never thought I'd say this about Chris Mortensen, but he completely and erroneously jumped the gun on this story, making the leap from "Dennis Green isn't saying who's starting this week" to "Leinart is starting this week." I actually saw it first on NFL Primetime before the Saint game. And now ESPN is running stories like, Shit, we fucked up on this one. ESPN, the time of internet users relying on any exclusive breaking news from you has come and gone. Case in point:

• Woke up this morning and checked deadspin before ESPN, which is now the routine. And, sure enough, the T.O. suicide story was up at 8:35 AM; ESPN still had the allergy reaction story up till about 9:15. Now, it turns out, Kim Etheredge played an intricate practical joke on the football world, but there's a definite delay to breaking information making its way to the espn.com frontpage. Then again, they're not nearly as bad as Yahoo, who will be reporting that T.O. has been benched by the Eagles about a week from now.

• Not only was the Saint game on Monday night the most meaningful game ever played in the city (besides January 4, 2004 of course), it was the most well-executed Saint game I've ever seen. Now, I'm only 22 years old and admit to not watching every game religiously, but I can't remember Saints corners tackling so well, linebackers plugging holes so competently (Vick involved no less), special teams dominating so completely, and a quarterback holding things together so practically. Also, we destroyed them with playcalling in every aspect-- call me crazy, but Jim Mora Jr. isn't a very good coach. And their special teams coordinator probably wished it was August 30, 2005 in the dome.

• "We just got to get our chili hot real early."

- Ali Highsmith, on the 11:30 AM start Saturday

That's it... I cannot love this team any more.

Just chili-doggin' it. Ali, where did you get the green and orange markers from?

Hopefully back to normal tomorrow.

- P.T.

I Guess Lester Will Be Waiting for His Inevitable Super Bowl Appearance: Week 4 Recap:

All that Times-Picayune talk about a rejuvenated Lester Ricard showing LSU what they're missing fell to the ground with his botched first snap at the 14:55 mark in the first quarter. Five Tulane offensive plays later, the punt snap was botched in the endzone. In the second quarter, Ricard left the game with a shoulder injury.

It's called the Tiger Rag for a reason

"In my mind, this is the biggest game that I'll probably play in until hopefully getting a shot at the Super Bowl."

-Lester Ricard

Ricky Jean-Francois. Can't say that name enough.

My favorite part is that he forgoes any hopes of Tulane playing another meaningful game this season. I mean, wouldn't saying, "until hopefully getting a shot at a CUSA championship" be the most politically correct statement? Truth is, Ricard would have never scored against our first, second, or third string defenses; I hope the NFL scouts were paying attention to his abilities against pro speed.

Yet we didn't showcase half of what we're capable of; if anything, we came out flat and businesslike (it's hard to tell the difference with this team). When the running backs still couldn't find the right holes (our biggest problem right now), Jimbo eventually transformed into Retro 2003 Championship mode: uh, we'll just throw it horizontally to recievers you won't be able to tackle, thanks.

• For that reason, the gameball has to go to Early Doucet (2 Rec. TD 1 Rush TD). It's certainly comforting to know Early can come down with the ball in situations that don't affect anything.

Same number and same purpose as Devery. [Insert 'Early' joke here.]

• The night's glimmer of offensive hope would be Mister Charles Scott, who sounds more like a Dickens character than a Louisiana Mr. Football 2005. He ran with enthusiasm and quickly had the crowd behind him after some Addai-like refusals to be brought down.

I'll admit it-- I never thought anything of a running back named Chaz Scott

• Also, Justin Vincent continues to remind me of a less-extreme Maurice Clarett, without the hatchet or Israeli mob but with the BCS National Championship MVP trophy. He's actually back to 2004 form, which is a terrible thing.

Get used to picking up litter, Mo.

• Freaking Anthony Scelfo! First, he was redshirted last year, which is a good thing, because he just might be the savior of Wave football, Tulane, and New Orleans. I haven't seen a more poised mobile white quarterback in Tiger Stadium since Matt Jones. He really didn't make a mistake at all; he actually stayed in bounds to take the hit from the lies of Dorsey, Pittman, and Jackson. Then he commanded a (disappointing) late score which left the Slime Buckets with a better taste in their mouths.

• Hey, Tulane, congratulations on selling 2500 of your 7500 allotted tickets for a game eighty miles away from home. And you wonder why we won't play a straight-up home-and-home. And it's not like Katrina displaced any of your fans either-- you were high and dry on streets like State and complaining about FEMA trailers (black people) in your neighborhood.

• Hey, Tulane, "the difference between the best state school and the best school in the state is that [your] players graduate." Yeah, ours just choose to forgo their senior seasons for the NFL draft. Go fuck yourselves.

• The rumors around the media (e.g. Jordy Hultberg, who'll have his own post by season's end) about 'Cat Broussard benched for being fifteen pounds overweight are completely warranted. Of course Miles said that there's no credence to any of those reports, but still, saying Broussard's out with a knee injury doesn't hold much water either. He's pretty much had a knee injury since August 2005, what's any different this week?

I can't prove it, but I suspect there are mutiple Jordy Hultbergs covering all LSU sports as well as the Hornets.

• One of my favorite moments of the game: "Country" Daniels timing a hit over the middle perfectly and saving an unnecessary Tulane red zone trip. And then his series of pelvic thrusts afterward. Three hours later, "I hated that guy who kept dancing after he made that tackle" was an actual quote from Robyn.

• Herb Tyler in the house. I feel old.

Think of him as a '95 Ryan Perrilloux

Pretty much a garden-variety non-conference game, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I hope we figured out that Jacob Hester is way too valuable a blocker to play anywhere else but fullback, and I hope Tiger fans figured out that JaMarcus is way better than Flynn and Perrilloux (against a second-string Tulane defense no less).

JR paces an Amish beard during the week.

We've still got the best defensive line in the country, and the offensive line is only one or two Herman Johnson starts away. And I should hopefully be able to go a full year without hearing gay-gay "Hullabaloo" from some of the most pathetic fans I've ever seen in the south endzone.


- P.T.

Yeah, So, Uh, Grad School Is Pretty Time Consuming: Week 4 Preview:

Still, absolutely no excuse for the tardiness of this post. Won't happen again.

I'm making the executive decision to forgo the Week 3 Media Roundup, as the general mood around Tigertown isn't too entertaining. You've got a coach standing by a sputtering running game, SEC suits defending something they probably didn't even watch live, and columnists declaring the end is near for the Miles Administration. Can't we play Arizona every week?

Sure makes my Week 3 Recap look like I'd done a couple whippets or something. I'm still disappointed at the general reaction of LSU fans and media, and I'm fairly certain they're underestimating the Auburn defense 99% of the time. You realize this is the toughest defense we'll face all year, right? By a long shot? You really expected Jake Hester to look a Jim Brown in the Plains? I vividly remember clapping loudly at the bar everytime JV got 3 yards on the ground; the Michigan fans were looking at me with the power of 10,000 Lloyd Carr faces.

Lloyd. Carr. Face.

That's the type of thing you expect in a matchup of top-10 teams. I like to think of the '06 Auburn game as the '03 Georgia game with better defenses, except for the outcome. I still remember being outside the stadium that day in September; never before had I been so quick to congratulate a visiting SEC team's fans. And they obliged. Surely, that didn't happen in Auburn.

Enough about last week. Let's preview The Team My Dad Would Still Pull Against If Playing Alabama: the Tulane Green Wave. Running late and still need to pack == post will be completed in a record 12 minutes.

LSU-Tulane By the Numbers

8. Your starting Tulane quarterback, Lester Ricard. Stop giving me sob stories, Times Picayune... the bottom line is dude was a sixth-string quarterback in Tigertown. Fucking Perrin Rittiner (sp) was getting more snaps than this guy. I'd want to transfer to the Slime Buckets, too.

Of course you can't play for us, Les, you're wearing Adidas

23. Years of dominance in this one-sided match. Tulane got fed up and burned the Tiger Rag in 1998; we turned around and paced them 48-17 while losing to UAB the next week. I love this rivalry.

Tulane fans are c-razy. Don't worry, I got the same education as you. For free.

4.333333333. Current number of points the number-one-ranked LSU defense is allowing. Scary thing is, Tulane might score more than our previous opponents combined. Still, this is probably the most one-sided the rivalry has ever been since Tulane was on the fence about leaving the conference. Tulanians: don't try to tell me how much better your athletic program would be had they never left the SEC. Truth is, you were a couple points better than Mississippi State (our next opponent):

"The Green Wave were a charter member of the SEC in 1933 but eventually became such a doormat in football that they opted for independent status in the mid '60s. Their final season in the conference was 1965, in which they were shut out five times, including the first two games of the season."

- Brad "Still My Boy" Edwards, espn.com

Uh, so, yeah, your president stole what would be a sterling athletic reputation in the SEC. Forty years later, it almost happened again. I'll continue to kick while you're down.

0.3%. Chances we'll see the redshirt stripped from Anthony Scelfo's body on Saturday, leaving the 5'10" quarterback to add to the Erik Ainge Legacy:

Luckily, there's no former LSU quarterback on the Wave. Wait...

62. Points I'm expecting us to score on Tulane, hopefully making it four 62-0s in the history of the rivalry. Two-point conversions, late-game scoring, missed extra points, whatever it takes. This number is special.

"1958: Prior to the game, a Tulane player said that they would beat LSU because they would choke. LSu lead only 6-0 at the half, but poured it on the 2nd half and scored 35 points in the 4th quarter. This would be the 1st of 3 wins by this score in the next 7 years."

-www.dandydon.com's great games in LSU history

241. New section number? What? It will always be

42. in my mind. Whatever, this change pales in comparison to the number of times the Golden Band (purportedly) is playing 'Tiger Rag' in the Pregame:

Apparently, the Tiger Rag chant is about as dated as Ragtime itself

0. Hey, half the reason I'm coming in town for this game is to yell 'Asshole!' in the pregame! LSU and their PC university presidents.

4500. Number of calories the 24 hours leading up to the game will consist of. Gatti's are all over the place here, but there's no way they have a "My wife said if I keep going to LSU games she's going to leave me. I sure am going to miss her!" bumper sticker in them.

Inventors of Cheesy Bread

1. Number of Brooks & Dunn concerts on the Parade Grounds Saturday. Uh... thanks, Coca-Cola, for commercializing the tailgating experience in Baton Rouge. Also, you cannot tailgate the concert itself. I see several irate country-music-loving LSU fans near the bell tower Saturday.

61-10. My prediction for the week. Look at Miles, refusing to go for two as all knowledgable LSU fans remaining make their loudest noises of the night. Miles at first sends Colt David in for the PAT, but soon realizes that Colt will probably 'botch' the kick and go for two himself, stemming from all that new confidence from what seems like the longest road field goal in LSU history. And then he sends #39 R. Gaudet in for the point after.

Colt most certainly ignores Gaudet's 19 missed calls when he hits up Brightside Bar

I'll be away till Sunday, visiting the City That Care Forgot. Drinking tomorrow night; hitting up some hungover Crabby Jack's Friday.

Fried. Rabbit. Po. Boy.

Of course I'll be at the game Saturday, losing my voice for the first time this season (didn't happen when Ohio State was in town... figures). Purple jersey on, plenty of food and drink from both sides, Gatti's, then the game. Can't think of a better day.

- P.T.

Another Even-Numbered Year, Another Method of Torture: Week 3 Recap:

I'm writing this on a Sunday evening complete with procrastination, less-exciting football, and soreness for an unknown reason. But judging how yesterday went (I spent nine hours at Legends Sports Bar), I'm guessing the soreness was caused by the unnatural contortions I made during the game yesterday. 2006 Auburn will go down next to 2005 Alabama and 2003 Ole Miss as one of the most physically exhausting games I've ever watched on TV. Except we didn't win.

I'm a lot calmer after this painful loss as compared to 2004 (it's almost like the referees meet before these games to figure out which ways they can controversially influence games just to make them memorable). Actually, I was kind of comatose for a few days two years ago. But I'm ready to move on, mostly because I feel as optimistic about our team as I did after Georgia '03.

Call me crazy, but we played well yesterday. That's the hardest thing to stomach, that, and the fact that I'm still not convinced Auburn is better than we are. Miles had the team tremendously ready to play in a hostile environment with three new starters on each line. We completely outshined their lines all game, and no piece of evidence is more convincing than the fact that Muschamp's crazy blitzes never produced a sack. I think there were times when JaMarcus had too much time, actually (something entirely possible with him).

All the JaMarcus haters will come out of the woodwork this week, the same ones that without a doubt go, "Oooooh" when JR throws a fifty-yard dart on his back foot. If you don't understand what Russell both puts on and takes off the table at this point, well, you haven't watched the majority of competitive games from the past two years. He's exceptionally talented (there's no doubt he and Leak are the most gifted quarterbacks in the league), but not always there when the pressure's on (notable exceptions of 2005 Auburn and Alabama, games which he played much better than he's given credit for). He's not the most intelligent quarterback, and I'm being kind here, but Texas was saying the same things about pre-2005 Vince Young. Yes, he should have thrown the ball away with :15 left, and yes, he shouldn't have locked in on Buster on that last play. But I'm never going to understand the arguments for Matthew Flynn.

When in doubt, I'll just hold the ball eight feet above your head

We outgained Auburn. We won the turnover battle. We outsmarted their playcalling save for one drive. Jimbo called a great game (he may have held out hope for a running game a little too long), and Pellini made Muschamp look like the linebackers coach he used to be. Our offensive line played better than I ever expected, and the defensive line played half the game in the backfield (I love Glenn Dorsey). I'm proud to be an LSU fan.

Tyson sends an early reminder that you're not a very good quarterback

Of course none of that really matters. Auburn will win the West, might go undefeated, and quite possibly will be left out of the title picture again (we can only hope). I hate them more than I used to, and this rivalry is showing no signs of becoming less intense. But they're not that good. It seriously is like 2004 all over again. So please, Florida, Georgia, Arkansas, 'Bama... figure out some kind of way to let the nation see what I'm seeing.

Some notes from Saturday:

• Kenny Irons is better than any press he recieves. I hate the team, but I have tremendous respect for his abilities to find seams and break tackles. He looks better at the college level than Carnell and Ronnie Brown ever did. I don't think I've seen an SEC running back like him since Shaun Alexander.

The lone Auburn player I respect

• Auburn loses the game without Kody "Ninth-Year Senior" Bliss at punter. He reversed the field at least three times in a game that came down to field position. Also, it didn't help having Chevis "uhh...uhhh... fair catch!" Jackson back there.

• I'm not sure what heaven will be like, but I'm guessing Glenn Dorsey going untouched to the quarterback (twice) has something to do with it.

• Good work, CBS, telling us about Zenon being injured (being sarcastic). One minute I'm completely comfortable with the defense, next minute I see Daniel Francis looking a Demetrius Hookfin on their scoring drive.

• Gameballs-- Offense: Craig "Buster" Davis. He did everything he could and brought back shades of '02 Arkansas or '04 Iowa two-minute-drill offenses against a Muschamp prevent defense. Defense: Glenn Dorsey. Primed to continue our recent trend of all-NFL defensive linemen.

Only looks like a deer in the headlights

• I'm not even going to talk about The Call. Seriously, it's another way for the media to assign a gimmicky name for the game. It's going to be called The No-Call or The Pick-Up Game. Here's some visual evidence, and I rest my case:

Where are we playing? Right...

• Here's updated list of teams who can make a title run:

1. Ohio State
2. West Virginia
3. USC
4. Auburn
5. Michigan
6. Florida
7. Notre Dame (the media bias can completely erase one loss)

Bottom line for this year's LSU-Auburn contest: it will separate the true fans from those blindly looking for some kind of change. If you're not proud to be an LSU fan right now, I don't want to talk to you. It was hard to stomach yesterday and easier to stomach today for this reason: we have the right personnel in place. Miles can motivate, Fisher and Pellini can match wits with anyone in the conference, the young team can mature for tough road conditions as soon as Week 3. I'm hoping for an at-large bid this year, and I think we can get it. But in 2007, nothing short of the Sugar Bowl is a success in my mind.


- P.T.

Hey, Nice Eagle To Compensate for Your Lack of a Live Bengal Tiger: Go Fuck Yourself, Plainsmen:

The year was 1996... Terry Bowden and Gerry DiNardo were the masterminds on either sides of the ball. We had two picks returned (Denard Walker and Raion Hill, peace), and the sad thing is we fell short to Auburn's total in the 1994 game (see: Jamie Howard). Raion Hill's return of a potential game-tying two point conversion is definitely a top 20 highlight in my life as an LSU fan.

And we fucking blazed a trail through that campus, 19-15, and finished 10-2.

A small fraction of the pillaging

That game came to be known as The Fire Game, and, along with the 1995 Bring Back the Magic Game (12-6 us), has restarted (rekindled?) this divisional rivalry for a solid 10 years. I can't really put it into words, but I hate Auburn as much as you can hate something else. Here are some reasons:

This is the same school that ripped off our meaningful, Civil-War-based mascot.

This is the same team that ran up the score in 1999 in Tiger Stadium.

This is the same coach who opted to fake a field goal late in that 41-7 win.

This is the same team that smoked cigars at midfield after that '99 game.

This is the same team that was assessed a personal foul for stomping on the Eye of the Tiger before the 2001 game.

This is the same team whose kicker attempted to level a Golden Band member at halftime of that 2001 game but failed.

This is the same team who benefited from a controversial contact penalty following a missed PAT during their 2004 10-9 win.

I see Tommy Tubervilles everytime I choose full serve at the Jet 24

I can't write a prediction for this; I want to ponder Auburn as little as possible. Let's just say I'm not optimistic. I'm just praying our lines play well. Last year Irons had 218 yards; I'm guessing Chase Pittman and Glenn Dorsey haven't forgotten about that all offseason.

Get tough, Tiger fans.

Solid Gold.

Put your flags up. Put a jersey on.

- P.T.

You 'll Take What You Get When You Can Get It: Week 2 Media Roundup:

This week in print certainly features nothing on the level of Scooby Doo Snacks or foolish pleas for crowd noise. No, the Arizona game is all but forgotten as the Tigers prepare to take on that team in a game which often decides the Western Division. We get it. Alabama must feel like ass right now; all these articles from both team's newspapers are just like, "LSU...Auburn... Teh SEC West!!!1 Oh, yeah, they have to play Alabama later this year, too."

About the only positive thing I can say about Auburn is that I'm glad we play them every year, as it has made both teams decidedly better in the long run. Actually, I can't believe we won there in 1998 (last time we've won at Jordan-Hare (what a fucking Auburn name for a stadium))... I thought that team underachieved in every possible measure during DiNardo's second-to-last year. Still, I'd like to say that we play our best against Auburn, but that would be false.

To the quotes:

"LSU coach Les Miles admitted that trying to fire up his team with a pregame speech, which included references to Arizona players stomping on LSU’s “eye of the Tiger” logo at midfield as they ended warmups, may have contributed to Jackson’s play.

'They may well (be related) and I do take responsibility,' Miles said.

'I take credit (for the hit). But I also have to defend Tyson Jackson and if he says, "Coach, don’t I have to get there fast?" I’ll say yes.' "

- Baton Rouge Advocate & Les Miles, on DE Tyson Jackson's helmet-to-helmet early against Arizona

First of all, Hardness. I mean, you stomped on the eye, you earn a proper comeuppance. Can you imagine Miles trying to fire up the team with this? With anything? Ah, that's another post. Still, my favorite part is 'coach, don't I have to get there fast?' Miles acts like Tyson Jackson has the language skills of a seven-year-old... and I like it. I think most coaches would say yes, but according to EDSBS:

"[Tennessee Defensive Coordinator] John Chavis lamented that the reason Air Force ran for nearly 300 yards on the Vols was that the Vol defenders were too fast."

Agreed.

“I take what I get when I can get it.”

- JaMarcus, on his unusual rushing contributions Saturday

Does JaMarcus ever fail when he decides to run? To do anything? Miles said that he wants JaMarcus to give up the runs a couple yards early to save a hit. I'll agree with that. But I'm doubtful that JR lives his whole life with that philosophy; I feel his facebook doesn't say 'Whatever I can get' for relationship status.

And then a couple hours before, miles to the northeast:

"Oh, when it was about 14-0.”

- Tuberville, on when he started to shift attention to LSU during the Miss. State game

Such a fucking jackass. I'm guessing he starts 90% of his sentences with 'Oh,...' He also told the Birmingham newspaper he started planning for LSU in January. Are we supposed to just lay down at midfield Saturday due to this? Coaches work, Tubs.

As opposed to...

“We’re going to tee it up and let ’em fly.”

- Miles

Like I even had to credit that quote. I'm pretty sure Les Miles had a line in one of the Top Gun deleted scenes, and this was it.

“It’s just strange to me... I don’t understand it. I guess we just got lucky and beat them. I feel like we need to go out and prove ourselves to everybody. Maybe going out and playing well against Auburn... maybe that will make people see a different LSU team. The one I think we have.”

- Will Arnold on lack of LSU respect last season

Now this is what I like to hear before a big game! Please, Will, assume the role of Kyle Williams Tuscaloosa Locker Room Halftime 11/11/05. We'll be down at halftime.

No, no... Will Arnold. Come on!

• The readout shows a big movement shortly before the 7 p.m. kickoff, likely the LSU band playing pregame fanfare and drawing a huge reaction from the crowd.
• Another large spike at about 7:08, close to the time when JaMarcus Russell threw a 58-yard touchdown pass to Brandon LaFell for the game’s first score.
• One more just before 7:15, about the time Jonathan Zenon returned an interception 20 yards for a touchdown.

- Baton Rouge Advocate, on seismographic readings during the ULL game

Well this is kind of disheartening. I might as well change the url to http://russelltolafell.blogspot.com. Who mentions this in the week leading up to the Auburn game? Well, at least Auburn can attempt to have their own Earthquake Game this week, right?

Wrong:

"Auburn’s geology department doesn’t operate a seismograph."

- Baton Rouge Advocate

Not surprising. At least they run a tight ship with that sociology department, though.

And finally,

"A rare, 6.0 earthquake erupted in the Gulf of Mexico on Sunday that was felt from Louisiana to Florida and called the largest and widest felt quake in the Gulf in 30 years."

- The News Star

Goosebumps all around. Get tough, Tiger fans.

Our namesake.

Check tomorrow for the annual hate piece.


- P.T.

Austin Fans, The Big Seven, and Briscoe High: A Filler Post

I must begin by saying how different the noise, atmosphere, and fans are in Austin compared to Baton Rouge. In Baton Rouge, it’s requisite for the entire student section to make noise on defensive plays when you’re playing the number one team in the country. In Austin, I’m pretty sure most of the students believe that holding up Hook ‘Em in the air will somehow intimidate the opponent and inspire the defense. Not to mention the tailgating—sure, I’ll take free brisket in any circumstance, but, as expected, the general atmosphere outside the stadium wasn’t very special or expansive.

Kind of already getting tired of this

Then the game got underway, and Ohio State proved that they’re well worthy to make a title run—with or without that early Billy Pittman fumble. All I’m hearing on campus is how the game would have been completely different had Texas gotten points in the first. That’s absolutely Texas being Texas. Ohio State made one memorable mistake Saturday night, and that was missing an early field goal. They were more prepared and businesslike as players, and vastly more imaginative and resourceful as coaches. Long gone are the days of a puttering Ohio State team relying solely on defense. What the Buckeyes represent this year is simply a well-balanced attack with smart special teams, a maturing defense, and four or five NFL skill players on offense.

Hey Anthony-- you sleep in an oxygen chamber suspended five feet above the floor every night.

Greg Davis’s offensive gameplan was supposed to severely limit the amount of responsibility delegated to Colt McCoy and allow the stable of running backs to shoulder the load. And when Jamaal Charles and Selvin Young contributed to a successful running game in the first quarter, it looked like Davis’s plan was working. It’s one thing to let McCoy ease into the game before making big-time throws, it’s another to make him throw ten-and-curls all day. Clearly, all Jones and Brown could think about this offseason was how shiny their new rings are, how big that Godzillatron thing is, and how good Taco Shack would be right now.

Taco. Shack.

Here’s an updated top 7. Clearly, there’s a dropoff from seven to eight and below:

1. Ohio State
2. Auburn
3. USC
4. Notre Dame
5. West Virginia
6. LSU
7. Florida

Good work, AP and Coaches. Factor out the Notre Dame bias and our polls are almost exactly alike. Ohio State doesn’t have any sizable weakness right now, but I’d like to think the next six teams are on a similar level.

Nike may have outdone themselves with the Briscoe High commercials. I think it’s the only commercial on right now where I stop everything to watch it every time. I especially like the hallway scene with Vick looking like the prototypical dumb athlete and LT and Polamalu (pen in hair) give a friendly embrace.

I wish I was cool.

And then I researched Nike Gridiron and found out how in-depth this ad campaign is. We’ll pretty much be getting fresh commercials of Urlacher and Polamalu just hitting people each week. That ridiculously hot wife of Deion and mother of Ryan… well, it’s none other than Jill Arrington! It’s like this commercial was specifically tailored towards me.

- P.T.

Ron Franklin Would Give Any of His Daughter's Hands to Jacob Hester: Week 2 Recap:

Well I was off. I spent most of the day tailgating in Austin outside DKR Memorial with Bubes assigned as Official Text-Messaging Updater for the afternoon. After 6:00 and 2/3 a fifth of Evan, it turned into "Bubes is texting me... must be another touchdown!" Unbelievable.

I got home exhausted at midnight and all SportsCenter would show was Zenon's INT for touchdown. Or is it pronounced Zeno? Zenin? I've heard all of them; I've also heard Jon say that he prefers the 'Zenon' pronunciation because it sounds cooler. (Nodding head). Oh, by the way, go fuck yourself, ESPN. This will be one of the more frustrating weeks as an LSU or SEC fan, as ESPN will barely acknowledge two season-changing SEC games within hours of each other, while they try to shift all attention to their sister network's primetime 'game of the week': Nebraska at USC. It's getting worse over at Disney.

I had a feeling The Deuce would replay the game at 2 AM, and that proved true. So, still paced with exhaustion, lack of food, and a day hangover (I actually had cottonmouth the next day... football. season.) I prepared to stay up till 4 to give a bona fide recap for you guys.

• I still think 'Cat Broussard is the best back we have, and I'm sure 90% of the non-racist LSU fans would agree, but I'm mesmerized by the gut every time I see him in live action or pictures. I immediately phase out as a football fan. The man ballooned to over 260 lbs they said! Everything's fine until that slow step here and there cost us a close one. And it's all because of his proximity to Big Baby's pantry-- nice going, Housing Services.

More intriguing than Miles' white hat

• That being said, Jacob Hester looked like the best player on the field at points Saturday evening, earning game MVP honors and a cornucopia of subtly-racist darts from Ron Franklin and Ed Cunningham (a pretty solid commentary, actually). You heard every possible "you look at a guy like Hester... you don't think he can run that fast!" variation from the two, while Alley's built more like a fullback now. They said that even Hester had racially-driven predispositions before he realized he could contribute to the team, which I'm doubtful of. Either way, they were giddy as schoolgirls when talking about Junckie's Favorite Running Back.

Be mindful of Junckie's heart condition, Jake

• I can't remember a time when the team looked so efficient, cool, and in-synch. Actually, it was Dec 30 of last season, but still. Not very often you can get back to last year's momentum and skill by game two. Save me the ironies when I reread this next Sunday, all you readers. I couldn't and can't get enough of those semi-Hollywood shots where they pan over the team mid-third quarter and show everyone (except Perrilloux, who's simply filling the cliche now) joking and hi-fiving. I think I even saw Gaudet and Tyson Jackson make plans to hit up Argosy later that night. JaMarcus has really grown into a leader, and on a Les Miles team, a leader is someone who just smiles all the time, acts cool, and taps as many people on the shoulderpads as he can. I'll bite. I'm in love with him (JaMarcus).

JaMarcus: Best SEC Quarterback Wearing #2 Since Tim Couch

• We're hitting harder than I've ever seen, including 2003. Always a good sign heading into The Third Week of the Season.

• Biggest surprise for me, discounting Hester, was Darry Beckwith. Dude looks like a veritable Trev' Faulk out there. He looked loose, competent, and prepared, and even did the act-pissed-because-you-missed-out-on-pacing-someone-by-one-second gesture when other Tigers beat him out for a tackle.

Shades of Joe Wesley '96

• I will now reset the Chevis Jackson Alertness Level to yellow. He fielded punts, which is pretty much all you can ask from him right now, but is about 30% as skilled as Skyler when it comes to finding seams. If we fair catch every ball cleanly next week, consider me satisfied.

• We took that home-and-home by a combined score of 104-16. Special thanks to Bubes for tolerating my genuine worry before each game.

Hollywood quelled any worry in Phelps 314

• Am I ever going to find out the extent of Dwayne Bowe's vision disability last year? At first it was 'he just wasn't seeing the ball very well.' Now it's 'he was actually legally blind before Lasik surgery last year.' Um, what? Our receivers and their eyes-- Buster Davis looks like a deer in the headlights most of the time. (Still, I trust no one more with catching clutch passes).

Craig "Buster" Davis

• [That whole streak about the defense, quarters, and touchdowns allowed.] I will not mention it.

I'll be sure to post the annual venom-sprayed hate piece just in time for this week's foe to the northeast. It may contain the words cigar, campus fire, and Gaudet more than a few times. I'm still not over 2004, and I'm sure they feel the same about last year. (What am I saying? These people don't have feelings.) Regardless, I'm not optimistic.



Good day!

P.T.