These Are the 32 Best? Part 1:

Forgive me for not writing an NFL column in awhile. I’ve mentioned this before, but, somewhere among Brooks Bollinger and Derek Anderson, Kyle Orton and Andrew Walter, I’ve kinda lost interest in the National Football League. Remember, no more than three years ago, these were four quarterbacks who were lucky to escape Big Ten or Pac-10 mediocrity to make a New Year’s Day bowl game. And now they’re currently starting or have started multiple games for the Jets, Browns, Bears, and Raiders.

I'll start the Orton-to-the-Saints rumor if I have to.

I often find myself asking, really, these are the 32 best quarterbacks in the world? Sure, for every Bruce Gradkowski backdooring his way into a starting job, there’s a Matt Schaub still biding his time on the bench, talented yet waiting for a phone call. Someone please give Schaub’s cellphone number to the Raiders before we’re forced to watch Brady Quinn get sacked nineteen times a game next season. Fuck me, indeed.

Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger, Charlie Frye, JP Losman... I can understand the gamble taken with these lesser-known signal-callers. But it’s perplexing to see GMs draft a late-round quarterback who floundered for three years with more surrounding talent than Cutler, Roethlisberger, Frye, and Losman combined. Are we prepared for the Brodie Croyle era in Kansas City should Trent Green get paced again? How about Redskin QB Jason Campbell having trouble with his 2004 Hey, This Guy’s Not Half Bad! impression? By the way, having both Ronnie Brown and Carnell Williams in your backfield—in college—tends to augment one’s potential. Just be prepared to see Drew Tate slipping into a Detroit uniform by next November.

Hey, Jay, sorry to be the bearer of bad news... but those are Doug Williams jerseys on the streets.

I’ll rank the current 32 NFL quarterbacks, right now. Not like finals week or anything:

1. Peyton Manning: if Marbles is the Yankees, which he is, then the Dallas and Jacksonville games were Matsui and Sheffield getting paced for the season.
2. Drew Brees: pretty much the reason for this column (see tomorrow).
3. Tom Brady: Montana, rings, Belichick... I'm kind of getting sick of him as well.
4. Carson Palmer: he thinks Flava Flav is smooth and K-Fed is legit.
5. Phillip Rivers: why not? Dude's done nothing to deter an ultra-talented team.
6. Marc Bulger: perhaps the most underrated player in the league.
7. Matt Hasselback: see you in New Orleans in the Divisionals.
8. Tony Romo: Tone-Tone had his inevitable reality check on national television, and it was glorious.
9. Trent Green: probably higher than Romo, whatever. Dude's got one of the most messed-up yet handsome faces ever.

Cro. Magnon.

10. Vince Young: I'm starting to think the world's not prepared for the VY era. He's a consistent Mike Vick.
11. Matthew Leinart: quietly making progress in the Taco, in more ways than one! LOL-vaulting.
12. Michael Vick: Mexico might decide to turn it on right before the playoffs.
13. Chad Pennington: really? Suddenly, the list takes a turn for the worse.
14. Rex Grossman: Rex, you did a lot of coke at UF, no?

... BALLLLL'NNNNNN!

15. Eli Manning: I'm convinced that without the Manning name, I'd be mentioning him right after Brodie.
16. Steve McNair: I'm excited for McNair in the playoffs.
17. Jeff Garcia: it takes a certain 16th-ranked quarterback to get booed for taking a hit and not asking to be benched.
18. Ben Roethlisberger: pacing life.
19. David Garrard: unpolished, inconsistent, from East Carolina.
20. Jake Delhomme: I think daylight came, Jake.
21. Joey Harrington: keep that Mauck business card in your top drawer, Sabes, just in case.
22. Brett Favre: all that matters is he's having fun out there.
23. J.P. Losman: I want to like Buffalo, truthfully. But when's the last time they were relevant?
24. David Carr: I'm wasting a lot of time on this thing.
25. Brad Johnson: all he does is, um, win.
26. Jay Cutler: he's been on the NFL network quite a bit.
27. Alex Smith: really, I don't think I've ever seen an Alex Smith play in my life.
28. Jon Kitna: I'd avoid him in almost every circumstance.

I'm tempted to iMDB Jon... I think he was the requisite schoolyard bully in a made-for-TV Disney movie or two.

29. Jason Campbell: no bitterness from HTF.
30. Derek Anderson: don't worry, Kellen and Braylon are helping build team chemistry as we speak.
31. Bruce Gradkowski: I'm a Bruce Gradkowski fan. He's a name you'll see often on quarterback montages of teams like the Bears.
32. Aaron Brooks/Andrew Walter: the play-in game. Hey, Aaron, you will pay attention to all five of Drew Brees's touchdowns.

I'm tired, I'll try to upload the rest tomorrow. I'm limping to the blogging finish line here; enjoy HTF before I join the TANBR team.

- P.T.

Beatin' These Teams, It's No Big Deal Big Deal:

Dev-Dev, crawllll'nnnnn.

- P.T.

Who's Bo Pelini Most Likely To Pull Out of Chris Owens by the Ear at 3 AM This Winter?

Browsing facebook this morning, I noticed that the ever-active Xavier Carter (what exactly is he doing these days?) had joined another group. This one was titled “LSU should be in the Rose Bowl!” In another vein, he has joined “LSU versus Notre Dame Sugar Bowl” and “LSU owns ND.” Actually, that last one is completely unjustifiable, the all-time series is 5-4 in favor of ND (very few teams have winning records against the Irish). Also, Xavier is a member of “Im tired of BITCHES sayin NIGGAS aint shit when BITCHES aint shit neither.” Seriously, take some time to befriend Pee Wee and peruse his questionable early morning facebook activities; Spencer has taken the extra step of poking X from his facebook mobile. Carter poked back.

Xavier is a valuable facebook entity to say the least.

Still, it’s troubling that Xavier is disappointed with LSU’s current bowl situation; it’s even more troubling that DE Charles Alexander agreed with him. I might be overanalyzing, but, on the small scale, I’m concerned about just how motivated Miles will have the team on January 3. On a larger scale, I’m concerned we’re gradually becoming a program more and more like Florida, Alabama, or Nebraska.

In the two weeks between the victory in Little Rock and the official bowl selection, the program, local media, and fans bathed in a frenzy comparable to 2003’s championship climax. The LSU ticket office dipped into the bottomless well of Rose Bowl tickets, to the tune of 42,000. (Note: it’s not like LSU fans still have those tickets. Bowl seats are sold on the basis of your team playing in that game. As opposed to…) Hotel reservations and plane fares whizzed around like a giddy, hapless governor with nothing more occupying than pointless lobbying.

I totally sat next to her at mass last December in Lafayette. Actually, that was the same day we found out about the Peach Bowl. That's fucking interesting. Could K-Bill be controlling everything?

On a personal level, HTF was preparing the Rose Bowl piece, thinking in his best Jeff Bebe voice: “You know who won the first Rose Bowl? Michigan. Eleven of them, eleven of us.” The popular page header would be adorned with a painstakingly detailed rose around Eddie Fuller’s helmet until the blog’s retirement in January. I even planned on digging up this old gem of an email sent to my father before the Florida game:

> Dad,
>
> I'm thinking I might skip the Monday and Tuesday of
> Thanksgiving week and come in for the Ole Miss game
> and stay that whole week. That would make more
> sense, and as long as I don't have a test on those
> days, I could do it. Just a thought, I'll get back
> to you on it later.
>
> I was thinking randomly today, if we win the rest of
> our games (I think we can), we'd probably get an
> at-large bid to the BCS. Assuming Auburn or an East
> team wins the conference, that would eliminate us
> from playing in the Fiesta or Sugar. Orange gets
> first choice this year, and would probably take
> Michigan at 11-1 against the ACC champion. So
> there's a good chance we'd be going to the Rose Bowl
> (if Ohio State goes to the Fiesta). Yeah, I know
> it's the second day of October...
>
> Pat

We’d bathe in Bacardi Limon. Cigars would be lit. We were going to the fucking Rose Bowl.

Part of me appreciates the #1 all-time ranking in winning percentage, but still, doesn't Michigan kind of roll over in every big game now?

It got to the point that, for some, seeing hated sudden-rival USC lose to UCLA on Saturday became disappointing. Um, this is the same team that has continuously succeeded in undermining the greatest moment of my life, right? Disappointment? The early returns and eventual announcement confirmed what we expected: the Rose Bowl had their desired Big Ten / Pac-10 matchup. Alley and Fave would not be rapping on The Tonight Show.

Fave has a sizable 26-teammate lead over Alley in the best rapper poll.

I know it’s difficult at this point, but reminisce to 2001, when a highly-underrated, Rohan-led offense derailed Tennessee’s national championship shot at Miami. Even the cheapest of hits on our star Jamaican couldn’t prevent an upset by the sudden newcomer, the first team from the West save Alabama to win the conference in, like, a really long time. And we were going to the fucking Sugar Bowl.

So why do these two paths seem so different? Sure, the program has radically changed since 2001 (and Skip Bertman isn’t given nearly enough credit), but doesn’t it feel good to join Florida as the only two schools to make the Final Four and a BCS bowl in the same calendar year? This is our third BCS bowl; no others in the West even come close. Hey, Auburn and 'Bama. We’re leading you both, 3-1. Be glad that $13.5 million is split among the twelve conference members; build yourself a nice new weight room in our name.

The Tide lost to awkward chestbumpers Tom Brady and David Terrell in the '00 Orange.

It will be interesting to see how motivated Coach Miles can get his squad. Because, really, we all laugh about it, but that’s kind of the man’s only job. You’ve got two coordinators who are annual mainstays in the head coach rumor mill; we’ll once again be blessed if Jimbo or Bo doesn’t sign onto the NC State or Arizona State job before New Year’s. But there is a marked difference between playing in a city less than 5 or 6 team members have stepped foot in… and playing eighty miles away. There’s a difference between appearing on national television (I could only hope for a Glenn Dorsey interview)… and having your team party at Zea Rotisserie.

Get ready, Mike VI.

But, on the surface, this shouldn’t be disappointing at all for Tiger fans. We’re fortunate enough to be considered a kneejerk at-large selection; the 2001 team would’ve definitely paced the Peach Bowl in a similar situation. Also, this gives us the rare opportunity for JaMarcus to exercise a Vince Young memorial while pocketing the game’s MVP trophy: “We’ll be back here next year. I’ll be back here next year.”

- P.T.

Liveblogging the BCS Selection Special:

6:49: It really will be interesting to see how FOX does this. Are they going to blow the Glendale load, ABC-style, right from the start? Or will they hold onto the climax until the very end, Prison Break-style? Let's see.

6:50: "College football has been woven into the fabric of America." Yeah, thanks, FOX, the same network that's been giving us only the Cotton Bowl for a decade. I've associated Ron Pitts with a splitting hangover for about five years now.

6:51: Shot of UF fratties... we're officially underway. Sadly, I don't see any dismayed looks in their future. All signs point to UF edging out the Wolverines with a 26-coach lead. Just how many text messages did Urban Meyer send out last night? hey les, ill pay for ur gas to NO myself! hopefully :) thx, urban.

Yeah, the three BCS berths are OK, but I'm beginning to think we're missing a step by not having a team cereal.

6:52: Your suspense-bearing trio: Chris Rose, Charles Davis, and Barry Alvarez. Subtract Chris Rose and Add Thom Brennaman and you have their championship booth trio. I might have a wet dream about Brad Nessler tonight.

6:54: The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: #8 Boise State versus #12 Oklahoma. Not that bad a matchup, really. Stoops is probably still the best coach in the land, and Boise State might be the biggest question mark out there. Um, yeah, Dan Hawkins's stock is about as high as Drew Bledsoe's right now. Good luck riding out that contract, Colorado.

Lou Holtz's son?

6:56: Boise State fans in the school gymnasium! Look at 'em cheer! See, they celebrate the same way we do! That's a pimp JCPenney jacket with makeshift Bronco patch HC Chris Peterson is sporting. I'm excited.

6:58: Yeah, that's why the BCS put a fifth game in. It has absolutely nothing to do with money. Just the thought of Boise State players stuck in the MPCComputers.com Bowl was keeping Roy Kramer up at night. Prediction: this is the last year the 'BCS' system is used. It may be similar next year, but the letters 'BCS' have garnered such a sour connotation, I don't see the name surviving.

7:01: Pontiac Game Changing bullshit. There really weren't any spectacular plays that changed the game this season, were there? Can I just vote for Prothro again?

7:02: Verne Lundquist's wet dream of Tebow's jumpshot was shown again... kill me now. I can't wait till Florida gets rolled over and the program is set back a couple years, Nebraska-style. It's making me giddy.

7:02: FOX pretty much just sandwiched two commerical breaks with the Pontiac Game-Changing nominees. Never thought I'd say this, but I miss John "Black Canadian" Saunders.

Clubbin' at The V Foundation afterparty. If there's a God, John Saunders has a myspace.

7:04: Hey, stop showing the Boise State band, will you? I really don't give a shit; this is a team who clearly cannot get any higher than eighth in the rankings in any given season. But they really do manufacture skilled white running backs like potatoes over there. Go back to anonymity, please.

7:05: Your FedEx Orange Bowl pairs #14 Wake Forest against #6 Louisville. This I'm not too intrigued about. Wake Forest might be the ugliest team to win ten games ever, and the Cardinals will sleepwalk through their bowl again. Good luck with those ticket sales, though.

7:07: I'm flattered there's a Bengal Tiger in the Nissan 'Race for the Heisman' commercial. Surely, they must mean Chev-Chev or Justin Vincent.

America's favorite DB. All I want for Christmas is a freaking LSU letter jacket.

7:09: FOX has already given us a clue... all cameras on the Gators. Give us some pain, FOX. I want to see Chad Henne's mom in tears.

7:10: And yes, it's Florida versus Ohio State in the championship game. Personally, I can't wait. Jim Tressel's the best coach in the nation (along with Bob Stoops) and Urban Meyer's still tremendously overrated... some of those third-quarter calls were atrocious last night. Yes, please use three timeouts in the span of seven minutes on January 8. Oh my, indeed.

7:12: Your requisite Urban Meyer interview. Shouldn't all the Florida players be studying for finals right now? Nevermind, I'm pretty sure they're well-prepared.

We're a couple years from the inevitable sexual harassment scandal, just sit tight.

7:14: From one pretentious prick to another, here's James P. Tressel! Always Tressel-like, the man refused to cast a vote in the coaches poll. How about voting for Florida and fueling the rivalry with That School Up North? What a politically correct toolbelt.

7:16: "Just how close was the finish? Try ten one-thousandths of a point." Or, try one one-hundreth of a point, perhaps. Or maybe 10 million trillionths of a point. Barry Alvarez is walking off the set. Really, that finish isn't nearly as close as I'd expect (a 10.69% differential). I think the BCS is just making the numbers smaller so the Chris Roses of the world can get excited.

7:17: "This is the game we're dealt." FOX is certainly starting to build the hype here! I'm definitely calling FedEx with my Alltel to order some Tostitos Hint of Limes for the big game. Mission accomplished.

7:17: And the Alltel Sugar Bowl: Your #4 Tigers versus #11 Notre Dame. Mmmmmmmmm... how excited am I for just one LaRon hit on Brady Quinn? For just one pass to Bowe, Doucet, or Davis in the open field? For the opportunity to see a bigtime LSU game for the first time since Auburn 2005? To be in the dome for the first time since Katrina? Since the national championship? Pasadena freaking sucks this time of year anyway.

No homo.

7:18: Tiger highlights to 'Born on the Bayou.' I'll take it. Any national voicetime for Jim Hawthorne is a good thing. They really do love that Dorsey hit on the Arizona quarterback, for some reason. Sugar Bowl-bound!

7:20: The Rose Bowl: #3 Michigan versus #5 USC. Not too much to say about this one. Two teams who clearly don't want to be in sunny Pasadena in January. At least LSU fans have already started booking flights and hotel rooms, though. Go heckle John David Booty on the Tonight Show with your FUSC shirt; it's well worth it.

Remember, you're still Josh Booty's brother. Even the Browns got rid of him.

7:25: Mike Silve, BCS commissioner. "Attendance is up... interest is up..." Um, Mike, this isn't baseball. The BCS has nothing to do with putting fans in seats of school stadiums. Interest is up because the system is so ridiculous, even the average fan has raised an eyebrow. But, hey, thanks. Chris Rose to Slive: "What are you going to say to Lloyd Carr? To his kids?" Chris Rose has gotten exponentially harder.

7:28: Charles Davis, who is this guy? "I'm excited... I'm excited." I especially enjoy the 'someone should change this' on his Wikipedia page; he's officially FOX material. ABC really let go of this contract at just the right time. And to think, a mere two months ago I thought I'd be drunkenly freezing in Shreveport this bowl season. I love this team.

- P.T.

Miscellany: An Attempt to Win You HTFers Back:

I know, I know, haven't been the best blogger as of late. Like, since the Tennessee game. I'm not even making myself laugh anymore, and no photoshopped image of, say, Tommy Tuberville, with George Michael, on a skislope can change that. Truth is, there's kind of a lot going on in Tigertown right now; you shouldn't have to rely on secondhand news from FOXsports.net or ESPN.

• Hey, it's almost Heisman weekend. How about that Hawaii quarterback, Colt Brennan, freaking tearing it up over there? Can we expect to see an invitation to New York sent his way. Don't count on it:
  

"Brennan plead guilty of burglary and trespassing for his actions that evening. What sounds on the surface like a case of harassment -- entering a co-ed's room uninvited and not leaving -- is much more if you believe the victim's side of the story. Brennan says he was intoxicated and doesn't remember what happened. 'I don't think I touched the girl,' Brennan said Friday. 'The only thing I know is that night I acted inappropriately and didn't leave when I should have.'"

For all we know, Colt performed that, 'the Brennan,' on a co-ed that fateful night.

Um, yeah. So Brennan transferred to the island after doing something with a girl that he can't exactly remember; they tend to look down upon these things at Colorado, especially with Kobe Bryant just chillin' in Eagle County at the time.

Your monkeyface fix. What? No, you're racist.

• Back to last Friday's game. Man, that really escalated! On the opening drive, Arkansas looked like 1994 Nebraska on a double-dose of Justin Gatlin's and Bill Romanowski's medicine combined. It looked like a long afternoon... until we slowly realized H. Dale Nutt scripted the opening drive on Monday and then played Geosense for the rest of the week. The U.S.-only version, if you're scoring at home.

http://www.nuttsucks.com . Traffic spiked Friday sometime around 5:15.

But we slowly settled down, and probably played our most quality offensive game of the season. JaMarcus was efficient as usual, with no stupid interceptions, though I'm not sure it would've mattered. I'll take Russell coming back to atone for his mistakes anywhere; that Tennessee game might become the most important of his career.

• Still, though, someone needs to sit Les Miles down and refresh him: probably not the best idea to let a 6'7", 260-lb. quarterback try to maneuver with the football in small spaces. I don't even blame JaMarcus anymore. I bruised several bones falling off the Miles Fence with that quarterback draw on third and five with two minutes left. Trindon, if you're reading this, just sneak into short-yardage practice this week; he'd be like trying to kill a flea.

Not the most reliable ball handler out there. Luckily, he's got go-go-gadget arms.

• Speaking of Trin... my God. Put that kickoff return right up there with Spears' INT-for-TD, Skyler's Improvisation vs. Georgia, and the Bluegrass Miracle for Desert Island Plays of the Decade. Also, how excited am I to hear the obligatory "Trindon Holliday... he's really small!!" comment for the next three years? Remember, he was in my five names you'll know by October column.

Stay fly.

• McFadden and Jones... what can you say? Since when has a top-ranked defense given up eight or nine yards on a first-down run and felt satisfied? That was Saturday for you. It was just one long finger-crossing until the game rested on Houston Nutt's brain and Casey Dick's arm. Then it was easy. I haven't heard two words worse than 'Wildcat Formation' since 'Peach Bowl.' Sure, you can laugh about the Wildcat formation now, but it was freaking nerve-racking, and certainly will be next November. Darren and Felix, if you're reading, don't hire Maurice Clarett's attorney this offseason; surely you can figure out a way to slip into a Detroit Lions uniform before August.

Googled 'Wildcat formation.' Maybe Verne Lundquist is just an avid airshow fan. They do resemble D-Mac and Felix, though.

• Just how many tickets are we going to sell? 40,000? 50,000? I don't want to jinx anything, but every major sports news source has reported the Rose is going to pace us an invite. It kind of helps that we've already sold 32,000 tickets, 17,000 of which have come since Monday. I'm still thinking that ABC is pressuring the Rose Bowl committee heavily; the Rose is their only BCS bowl and they'd like to make as much money as possible. Notre Dame would provide a slight edge on viewership. That's why Herbstreit acted like Notre Dame-in-the-Rose was a foregone conclusion last Saturday night. We still might be subjected to the Badgers of Wisconsin.

• I freaking hate Pete Carroll. If you're ever frustrated about hearing how much of a 'player's coach' or 'class act' he is, hit play a few times. Go Bruins.

- P.T.

HTF: As Busy as the LSU Ticket Office:



Test tomorrow. I'll blog on everything from bowl predictions to manmutant Darren McFadden (good luck, UF) to the reason a particular Hawaii quarterback wasn't invited to New York.

So in the meantime, enjoy just simply watching other teams beat themselves up this weekend while pulling for UCLA, Florida, and West Virginia in particular.

- P.T.

http://www.bcsfootball.org/bcsfb/eligibility

Most of the bowl projections came out today, and Brad Edwards had his Road to the BCS last night. While most of the forecasters predicted an LSU/Michigan Rose Bowl (officially putting HTF in denial), it seems more likely that the Rose would elect to send Notre Dame to Pasadena for the first time since 1925.

Remember how HTF wanted a lasting image to summarize the 2006 season? Here it is. I love this photo; it will be added to the shrine at season's end.

Several articles appeared over the weekend claiming that, in actuality, LSU's BCS hopes depend greatly on Florida's performance in the conference title game. Should Florida win, the Gators would earn an automatic berth to the Sugar Bowl as SEC champion. Should Florida lose, however, the 11-2 Gators should be a prime candidate for the Orange Bowl due to proximity; the ACC champion between Georgia Tech and Wake Forest wouldn't sell near their quota. Hometown favorite UF would more than make up for those empty seats despite losing to LSU-victim Arkansas, however unfair it may seem.

However, there's a contractual situation no one-- even Edwards-- seems to be mentioning. Should #4 Florida lose, the #5 Tigers should pass the Gators (currently a .079 differential), climbing into the fourth spot. Even 'the computers' would recognize that Florida lost to the same team on a neutral field that LSU had just beaten on the road. Per the official BCS Selection Procedures:

6. If any of the 10 slots remain open after application of provisions 1 through 5, and if no team qualifies under paragraph No. 5 and an at-large team from a conference with an annual automatic berth for its champion is ranked No. 4 in the final BCS Standings, that team will become an automatic qualifier provided that no at-large team from the same conference qualifies for the national championship game.

The '6' represents the sixth provision for automatic qualification. Take a minute to browse the rules yourself. Correct HTF if we're wrong, but per the rules, here are your automatic BCS bids (presumably) if Florida loses:

Bowl Championship Series bids (10):

1, 2: Ohio State and USC, per qualification 1.

3, 4, 5, 6: Arkansas, Georgia Tech/Wake Forest, Louisville/Rutgers, Oklahoma/Nebraska, per qualification 2.

7: Boise State, per qualification 3.

8: Notre Dame, per qualification 4, or simply because they're Notre Dame.

9: Michigan, per qualification 5.

10: LSU, per qualification 6.

So the Rose or Orange would be forced to select LSU. This is of course assuming Wisconsin and Louisville do not pass the Tigers (highly unlikely, since one's awaiting the Capital One Bowl and one's out of quality opponents). Also, Tiger fans, we're big West Virginia fans this weekend; a one-loss Louisville is a much more attractive at-large team than a two-loss Rutgers or West Virginia. Couch burning?

Of course, Florida winning wouldn't produce nearly as automatic a situation, but might be more comforting-- Florida would head to the Sugar, leaving no lower than the Orange with the smart choice of selecting LSU as its at-large team. Really, no other school-- even a one-loss, possibly-at-large Louisville-- belongs in the conversation. So, yeah, HTF thinks we're going to a money bowl.

Oranges all over my apartment floor,

- P.T.

[By the way, I noticed my error here shortly after emailing Ivan Maisel. The paragraph reads "if no team qualifies under paragraph number 5." Michigan will qualify under paragraph 5, therefore nullifying paragraph six. Damn semantics; this is why I could never be a lawyer. Daaaaaah dah-dah dah-dah-dah Go! Gators!]

To the Place Where Only the Bengal Tigers Have Won: Week 12 Preview:

[Editor's note: This article was originally written on Wednesday 11/22, but the right combination of computer malfunctions and laziness prevented its posting until now. Accuse me of editing things after the fact, but check the prediction first.]

Exciting week here at Hodson to Fuller. Blogging from The City That Care Forgot right now, with this dud of a laptop on its last legs. Still, we'd be remiss to not deliver the ever-accurate prediction. This week: perhaps the biggest game of the season, and we're having a tough time coming to terms with this. Arkansas? Really? Multiple BCS berths on the line in Fayetteville??

Googled 'Fayetteville' here. Seven women, ten chins. Um, Burt, is that you in the left corner?

Arkansas fields a decent team every four years or so under Houston Nutt, but this team is hands-down his most talented. McFadden leads the conference in almost every individual offensive statistic, very nearly pacing JaMarcus for quarterback efficiency (McFadden has thrown five passes this year, three for touchdowns). Really, there's no ceiling for Darren McFadden-- or Felix Jones, for that matter. I vividly remember a freshman running back overshadowed by Auburn's Kenny Irons: equally difficult to tackle, but much faster. And he ran roughshod over us last year at home.

Previously, the only other McFadden I knew was Whitehead's partner. "Ain't no stoppin' us now..."

So what's changed here? Not much, in fact, it seems like our defense against the run has gotten a notch worse with the departures of Kyle Williams and Claude Wroten. Two extremely elusive running backs against a team losing its attention to tackling detail season by season. Heck, even frickin' BenJarvus Green-Ellis looked a Shaun Alexander last week during the first half. Sure, we may have been looking ahead to the Razorbacks, but that seems hard to believe with this Miles staff. I can't foresee a situation that doesn't involve McFadden or Jones having a huge game.

Did not know that big BJG-E transferred from Indiana to Ole Miss. Let's all have a moment of silence for Ben.

Nutt has talked about how his entire team (save for a few fifth-year seniors) has never touched The Boot; LSU has won the last three and last lost in 2002 in the final seconds of the game. Arkansas will probably be the most motivated squad we've faced this year; I just hope that early momentum doesn't blow us out of War Memorial Stadium.

The defensive key for the Tigers obviously lies in sending seven, eight, or nine in the box to contain the run early. Quarterback Casey Dick (comment with your favorite Dick/Nutt joke, please) has proven atrocious at worst and inconsistent at best, losing his job to freshman Mitch Mustain several times this season. The Arkansas receivers pose a threat in the open field, but can definitely be contained by Zenon and (gulp) Chev-Chev especially with the aid of Landry, Daniels, or Steltz.

No reason.

Contrary to previous big games, the offensive key does not completely rely on JaMarcus's arm. Arkansas' defensive backfield is more talented than advertised, but their run defense is rather lacking. Mississippi State was able to generate legitimate runs last week; then again, Arkansas was definitely looking ahead to Friday, with their sudden 'BCS title game contention' on the line. Razorback fans: You are no longer in contention for the BCS Championship Game. It is impossible. You cannot read this blog. It cannot be read to you. Hopefully that changes the mood in northwest AR.

Is there anything more rewarding than photos of depressed rival fans after your team beats them? Come to think of it, LSU probably produced the only Arkansas loss this kid's ever seen in person.

So instead we must rely on one of the Hester/Scott/Williams/Vincent/Broussard troupe to step up on the road with a good four or five yards per carry. Scoring early would decidedly take the crowd noise out of the game (Knoxville); not scoring early could turn this into another Arkansas/Tennessee bloodbath.

It seems like every year in this conference, a less-talented team ripe with unity and senior leadership rattles off a string of conference wins taking everyone by surprise. In 2003, you had Ole Miss. 2004, Auburn. 2005, Alabama. 2006, Arkansas... except there's not a senior in sight. We may be relinquishing The Boot for a long time here.

The prediction: Arkansas 31 LSU 21.

Definitely got this while searching images for 'Terrence Kiel.' Google might be getting a little too smart.

Cotton Bowl bound. Hey Bubes, stock your cabinets full of cheap vodka, Sprite, and Robitussin. We're Terrence Kieling it on New Year's night.

- P.T.

Revised Bowl Predictions: Someone's Not Going to the BCS Anymore:

Busy week of traveling at HTF; the much-awaited, all-too-accurate prediction of Friday's game should be in by Thursday morning. In the meantime, here's some revised bowl predictions to hold you over:

PetroSun Independence: Kansas State vs. Alabama
Pacific Life Holiday: Texas A&M vs. California
Alamo: Nebraska vs. Purdue
Chick-fil-A: Virginia Tech vs. Tennessee
AT&T Cotton: LSU vs. Oklahoma

Bubis, something tells me we'd have trouble making the 10 AM kickoff.

Outback: Auburn vs. Penn State
Toyota Gator: Rutgers vs. Boston College
Capital One: Florida vs. Wisconsin
Rose: USC vs. West Virginia
Tostitos Fiesta: Texas vs. Boise State
FedEx Orange: Georgia Tech vs. Louisville
Alltel Sugar: Notre Dame vs. Arkansas
BCS Championship: (2) Michigan vs. (1) Ohio State

Yes, yes, a rematch exactly fifty days later. I'm actually a fan of this; it gives any one-loss team hope by setting a precedent that makes the timing of a loss more subjective in a sometimes-too-objective system. Remember Florida/FSU back in 1996? Well, the BCS will demonstrate that it's perfectly capable of recreating that situation. Also, I totally want to hear about Bo Schembechler for the entire month of December.

- P.T.

Fiftieth Post: Please, Just Do Not Excite The Orgeron Anymore:

Solid piece of photography. If you had to explain Les Miles or Ed Orgeron 1000 years from now, you'd probably start with this picture.

Can't really talk about the game right now; my head's still throbbing from yelling too much. But, yeah, here's a new name for you: Bradley Dale Peveto, the special teams/linebackers coach. After over 200 return yards, a converted onside kick (for the second week in a row), and a blocked extra point for Ole Miss, it's about time this man is reevaluated. Ever since two muffs in the UL game, we could clearly tell that the remnants of Saban's sharp special teams had faded away. It cost us the Florida game and it very nearly cost us a loss to a 3-8 team on senior night.

Happy Fiftieth Post!

- P.T.

The Predictions: Week 11:

I've always placed Michigan/Ohio State right along North Carolina/Duke and Yankees/Red Sox. Really, no other rivalries belong in the argument. So, after the UM/ND game, when it appeared these two might be headed for a matchup on ABC with both undefeated, I honestly thought ESPN might implode. Too much Chris Spielman and Desmond Howard in a pissing contest. Actually, HTF wasn't prepared in the least. Now, if it was even possible, the stakes have been raised even more. And my final initial inclination seems even more fitting given the new circumstances.

1929-2006.

1929... depression. Depression... Cinderella Man. Cinderella Man... Waterford crystal.

First, Michigan's a lot better than they were last season or any season since 2003. Motivation? Check. Experience at skill positions? Check. Defense? Check. Really, what more is needed? Oh, yes, the mindset of a once-great depression era boxer suddenly motivated by poverty to return to the ring, eventually climbing his way back to the top.

Check.

It's been painful for UM fans to watch Troy Smith lobotomize their defensive backfield, both running and passing, the last two seasons. And the game's in Columbus this year, with Smith as the Heisman frontrunner playing his last home game? Seems all too easy. Heck, even we picked you as the one seed, and that was back in August. Pack your black twill 'O' baseball cap, Andy Katzenmoyer jersey, and tear gas neutralizer, Bucks-- you're going to the Taco.

HTF's waiting patiently for the flat-billed twill cap to come back in style.

Nevermind, throw away the bowl predictions. Neither Antonio Pittman or Chris Wells, Eddie George or Archie Griffin could run against this Wolverine front seven. 29.9 yards a game on the ground... still skeptical? They've faced Notre Dame and Wisconsin, compiling the two most quality wins of any team in the country by far (hence the #1 computer ranking). Sure, their cornerback play has not nearly been as solid, but they've got one legitimate island corner to handle Ginn when blitzing. And the front seven is so much more physical, tough, and quick compared to years past, the fucking oxygen tent won't matter to HTF Favorite A. Gonzales.

Half-shirt, comically large shoulder numbers... all Eddie's missing is the 'Say No to Drugs' towel tucked into his waist.

I can't believe I'm saying this about Michigan, but they're about to win a big game... on the road... by being more physical than the other team. It's like they had a McGriddle and coffee way back in August, and they're learning this for the first time. Hey, we came to Michigan to actually win football games, not improve draft stock. I guess we should try to put in some hard work in the offseason, no?

Things were just so much simpler back then... just paper-thin windbreakers, twill caps, government-issue glasses, and hitting opposing players because they merely intercepted a poorly thrown pass.

Michigan wins with Henne, given extra time in the pocket, checking down from Manningham to Breaston almost every time. Breaston has a big game, Hart does just enough to run out game clock, and the front seven comes as advertised. Ohio State gets their two or three big plays, but Michigan outplays them in the rest.

Michigan 20 Ohio State 14.

Please, do not anger The Orgeron more than necessary. I'm posting this late with hopes he forgets to sweep through his bookmarked football-related blogs tomorrow morning. HTF really wonders what lies in those Netscape bookmarks on his Gateway; surely, the dude's still pacing a Juno email address.

Please, just do not anger The Orgeron.

Hey, my one reader-- fucking bet on this game if you read this in time. The line was at 27 last I checked, and they might be giving Tulane and UL competition as the worst team we've faced all season. Couldn't think of a better matchup; Schaeffer and Co. cannot create any semblance of a pass offense, and they've adopted a run first philosophy as a result. Alabama's usually consistent run offense was stymied over a surprisingly effective J.P. Wilson passing game last week... good so far.

Let Ceej take another winning coin toss, Dorsey stuff BenJarvis Green-Ellis (officially looked him up just now) three times up the middle, and JaM (found it at LSUbeat, we can work with this) take over at home with five straight scores. I see that happening. Really, the Rebs took about nineteen steps backward by not keeping David Cutcliffe or freezing some of Marbles Jr.'s seed in 2003. But they've got Patrick Willis! I hate this team.

Pat Willis is removing that one really good mix CD you made like a few months ago from the visor of your totaled car. Personified.

Nevermind about that coin toss; all 22 seniors will be the game captains. Russell-to-Bowe surpasses Hodson-to-Hilliard for the record books, Jake Hester officially wins the Wait, He's a Junior???! award, and the Tigers pack up for the game of the season next Friday. This season's not so bad after all.

LSU 48 Ole Miss 10.

- P.T.

Hodson to Fuller's Senior Night Special Edition:

When I realized I'd probably miss the Nov. 11 game against Alabama, I immediately hoped the Nov. 18 matchup with Mississippi would provide an opportunity to extend my ever-shrinking Thanksgiving break. The anticipation didn't come from the possibility of seeing The Orgeron work a sideline in person, or watching Brent Schaeffer take his 96th-ranked statistics under the lights in Tiger Stadium. (Is there a more comedically underrated name than 'Brent'? I don't think I know a Brent who doesn't produce comedy.)

No, it's an occasion becoming more and more special for me as a maturing LSU fan. I've spent four years with these guys, learning their hobbies, favorite foods, 40 times, and Facebook activities. And now... it's all over, all at once? I can remember even tearing up a little when players like Joseph Addai and Kyle Williams were called last season. Then again, it may have been from lack of sleep due to Black Friday. Anyway, this is the last group of players from the championship season, making it more and more disappointing that I have a midterm on Monday.

So the least we can do here at HTF is provide our own Senior Night Special Edition. Think of it as what PA announcer Dan Borne' might say, plus some additional anecdotes and personal memories, minus the tendency to interrupt the Golden Band or say 'peenalized.'

A 6'3" wide receiver from Norland High School in Miami, Florida. After surpassing Michael Clayton, he now owns the LSU career touchdown receptions record with 23. Well-known for two game-saving catches against Oregon State in 2004 and at Alabama in 2005. A general studies major, he probably has the best NFL future of any offensive senior. He'll be missed for his ability to pluck overthrown balls, both at midfield and along the sidelines. Never really benefited from a good nickname in Tigertown, yet he played with less-talented comrades 'X-man' and 'Buster.' Maybe D-Bowe, but that sounds too much like 'Tebow.'
#80, Dwayne Lorenzo Bowe.

A 6'0" free safety from Breaux Bridge High School in Breaux Bridge, LA. Nicknamed 'Country' for his duck hunting and fishing hobbies, this General Studies major has acted as defensive captain for three seasons now while playing 45 games. Injury prone, perhaps, but his hard hitting, patience, and sharp understanding of both defensive schemes make this FS near irreplaceable. Often overshadowed by his counterpart LaRon Landry, he has gone tremendously underrated for his consistent play when healthy. Also, he'll be a first-attempt inductee into the HTF Memorial at the end of the season. And, as always, "listens to 'In the Air Tonight' by Phil Collins before every game."
#31, Jessie "Country" Daniels.

A 6'2" wide receiver from O. Perry Walker High School in New Orleans, Louisiana. After countless near-impossible diving catches, he has recorded a catch in twenty-three straight starts. Majoring in communications, he definitely has the eyes to look every ball in. Probably the most underrated offensive player in many of his seasons with the Tigers. His sure hands and big play ability has been taken for granted and will definitely be missed. HTF remembers four or five instances in the 2005 Alabama game alone where he brought in even the most unlikely of catches on the ground. He goes by Craig, but you know him as Buster.
#3, Craig "Buster" Davis.


A 6'5" offensive tackle from Vancouver College in Vancouver, British Columbia. The first Canadian-born athlete to sign with the Tigers, this second-round CFL draft pick finally earned a starting role at right tackle. His hobbies include refurbishing old cars, including a 1979 Firebird, 1984 F-150, and 1980 Buick Century (?). Originally, teammates derided him with the nickname 'mullet' in 2003 and 2004, until he shaved it off after the national championship game. A history major who has already graduated, he played consistently well as a starter in 2006 when healthy. On everyone's all-conference lists for academics and service.
#77, Peter Stefan Dyakowski.

A 5'11" cornerback from Port Barre High School in Port Barre, Louisiana. While never starting a game at defensive back, he made significant contributions to special teams, including a sack-for-safety of Georgia punter Gordon Ely-Kelso in the 2003 conference championship game. In 2006, he saw more opportunities backing up Chevis Jackson in both nickel and dime packages, although that hasn't necessarily been a good thing. A general studies major who lists 'math' as his favorite subject, he hasn't really been a favorite at HTF, giving up critical passes in the Auburn and Florida games this season.
#37, Daniel James Francis.

A 5'7" placekicker (any idea?) from Jesuit High School in New Orleans, Louisiana. He certainly has had a career of ups and downs, perhaps moreso than any other senior. In 2003, his first kick in Tiger Stadium was a 47-yarder versus Georgia, when points were definitely at a premium. After sharing kicking duties with Chris Jackson, he still considers making three PATs versus Oklahoma the pinnacle of his career. Points After Touchdown were definitely not gimmes for him, missing five of them in 2003 and 2004, none more important than Auburn in 2004 where the final score was 10-9. He is joined on the roster by his brother, who is a sophomore kicker.
#39, Ryan Emile Gaudet.

A 6'1" safety from Plant High School in Tampa, Florida. A reliable backup at the talent-filled safety position, he made significant contributions to Tiger special teams. He often shone in scrub minutes, getting a career-high five tackles in 2005 and his lone interception in 2004, both versus Mississippi State. Saw some additional playing time in 2006 with the injuries to Jessie Daniels and Craig Steltz. A general studies major, he lists his favorite athlete as Randy Johnson.
#24, Keron Horatio Gordon.



A 6'0" placekicker/punter from John Curtis High School in River Ridge, Louisiana. A superb athlete who doubles as the starting third baseman on the Tiger baseball team. He has solidified his legacy in Tigertown with both statistical milestones and clutch moments. He was the SEC's leading punter in net average in 2005, a season during which he kicked the game-tying 47-yard field goal against Auburn and the eventual game-winning 42-yard field goal at Alabama. In the field position battle against the Tide, he totaled three punts downed inside the twenty-yard line. In 2003, he kicked the eventual game-winning 45-yard field goal at Ole Miss, sealing the SEC West en route to the title. This animal, dairy, and poultry science major was voted team captain for the season in 2006, figuring out the weight distribution in the game coin nine out of ten times.
#41, Christopher Carl Jackson.

A 6'4" tackle from Godby High School in Tallahassee, Florida. A versatile lineman who has netted 27 starts among the right tackle, left tackle, and left guard positions. He recorded 14 pancakes in 2005, which HTF guesses is the only measurable statistic for an offensive lineman. Seemed like a reliable and durable lineman during the 2005 and 2006 seasons. A general studies major who chose LSU over his favorite school as a child, Florida.
#75, Brian Garrett Johnson.




A 6'2" strong safety from Hahnville High School and Ama, Louisiana. By far the most heralded NFL prospect for the Tigers, he surprised the entirety of Tigertown by ignoring his first-round prospects in the 2006 NFL draft and returning for his senior season. One of the hardest-hitting Tigers HTF has ever seen, his legacy will always be remembered with visions of a safety blitz and an uncontested shot to the opposing quarterback. No other sack was more memorable than that of Brodie Croyle at Alabama in 2005, further increasing the LSU momentum in the second half. A preseason All-American and communication studies major, he has had another solid season in 2006 and will be starting his 46th consecutive game on Saturday.
#30, LaRon Louis Landry.

A 6'5" defensive end from Evangel High School in Shreveport, Louisiana. I'll let a loyal HTFer take over: "[John] and [Jane] are huge Tigers fans--they tailgate in Baton Rouge every home game and travel a lot. And they were in Baton Rouge after a game getting paced--because they're also alcoholics. And they start talking to this woman who's hammered and really mannish-looking. It's the type of thing where at first they want her to leave them alone, but then she ends up being interested and they kind of make fun of her while they're talking to her. And she keeps hitting on [John], even though [Jane] is sitting right there. Like, playing with his hair and stuff. So they're talking to her about fifteen minutes, when all of a sudden, Chase Fucking Pittman walks up--they hadn't noticed him in the bar this whole time--and says, 'Mom, we have to go. Come on. Upsy-daisy.' And drags her out of the place." A general studies major and Junckie favorite, he recorded a safety at Vanderbilt last season.
#94, Benjamin Chase "Upsy-Daisy" Pittman.

A 6'0" linebacker from John Curtis High School and Kenner, Louisiana. Originally recruited as a running back in 2002, he later switched to linebacker under Nick Saban. However, is greatest contributions have come from special teams play in all four years. He sat out the 2003 season due to academic disqualifications. He earns a nod from HTF for being that guy who's usually first to hit the return man on punts and kickoffs. A general studies major who has played in 43 games.
#33, Jason Edward Spadoni.



A 5'10" running back from Barbe High School in Lake Charles, Louisiana. For all the bickering sent his way from HTF this season, the fact remains that he had the finest freshman season in LSU history. In 2003, he recorded 1,001 yards while starting only seven games, earning MVP honors in both the SEC Championship and National Championship. He recorded runs of 87 and 62 yards in the conference championship, while opening the Sugar Bowl with a 64-yard run on the first play of the game. Had a disappointing season in 2004, but rebounded somewhat in the latter part of 2005. A communication studies major, he has been a solid special teams contributor in all four seasons, but that mysterious, Clarett-like offseason in 2004 will always follow him around.
#25, Justin Daniel Vincent.

A 6'3" defensive end from Holy Cross High School in New Orleans, Louisiana. A solid backup for Chase Pittman who has seen action in 32 games. A terrific athlete and student, as he was also a heralded pitcher out of high school. He will have made the SEC academic honor roll all four seasons by graduation while majoring in kinesiology. Has roots to the LSU football program, as his father and uncle both signed scholarships in 1976.
#52, Ryan Fortier Willis.




A 6'4" tight end from Leesville High School in Leesville, Louisiana. After being sidelined for most of 2006 with a mysterious stomach ailment, he leaves as a moderately solid contributor at the underutilized tight end position. However, most of HTF's memories come from his dropped passes; he has netted only one career touchdown, but the writer remembers several other situations involving him and the endzone. A general studies major, he was actually born in Heidleberg, Germany and is the only married senior.
#89, Keith Jackson Zinger.


Your 2006 LSU seniors.

- P.T.