Hot Boudin, Cold Cous-Cous...

The Sugar Bowl Preview: Yes, I Am Still Alive:

Some notes on the past twenty (chili dog) days or so that I've spent drinking and watching Madden Nation. That fucking Aussie guy annoys me to no end; did the Make a Wish foundation secure him a spot on the bus or something? Also, I don't currently have an operating computer to call my own.

- Nick Saban to Alabama. Man, activate that Johnny Damon Immediate Hate Switch chop-chop. I mean, I've been the guy's biggest supporter the past two years, even with his shitting-under-the-Christmas-tree equivalent back on December 25, 2004.

The question now becomes whethere J.P. Wilson is the college football equiavlent to Cleo Lemon, or vice versa.

My dad went so far as to root against the Dolphins in every single game, whereas I (along with the majority of LSU fans) watched him continue to teach Hollywood Daniels the fundamentals of cornerback play with teary eyes. He had reached the top of the college game; it was only natural for him to move on to the next level. Two years, poor GM decisions, and a 15-17 record later... he's going to Alabama? Like this is two steps higher than LSU? Tiger Town is personally offended to the tune of a bleeding nose in an uptown dive bar. Someone initiate Jimbo Fisher Watch immediately; we're about to lose everyone but Miles and Pellini. I personally can't wait until the Browns offer him something like 7 years, $60 million two years from now and he paces out of Alabama like nothing ever happened. He's the Larry Brown of football.

- No, no, the Boise State/Oklahoma game two nights ago was not the best game ever. When the biggest names involved are Jared Zabransky, Ian Johnson, Paul Thompson, and Chris Pederson, it's nothing more than really exciting football pornography. It was rewarding to wake up in the middle of the third quarter and invest time and attention in an otherwise lackluster game in what felt like the football stadium equivalent of a Hollywood studio (I guess that's fitting) to see two trickeration plays everyone knows by name but rarely sees executed decently. And these were perfect. Hats off to Boise State for shifting the balance of power in college football even further and sending the CFB postseason one step closer to a playoff. One question... why didn't BSU go for two with seven seconds left in regulation? I just kept pulling for the game to continue through multiple overtimes. But get ready for the Ian Johnson for Heisman! campaign next season which will certainly involve Boise State sending 1000 pieces of blue turf to various media outlets.

You don't get many black people when googling 'Ian Johnson.'

- What a terrabull bowl season, though, huh? The first eight or nine games-- the ones that need to be classics simply because they involve teams like East Carolina and Rice-- were blowouts. There were some sizable comebacks along the way; too bad the Minnesota Gophers are the Milwaukee Bucks of college football in terms of evoking emotion. I stayed out till seven on New Year's Eve and didn't wake up until 2 PM. Any other year, I'd be pissed off at myself for missing most of the Cotton and Outback. When the final scores are Penn State 20 Tennessee 10 (1 fumble return for touchdown) and Auburn 17 Nebraska 14 (1 muffed punt inside own fifteen, good work Bill) I think I'll take the morning off.

Nebraska fans are on the fence about you until they've a) made a cereal named after you or b) elected you to political office.

- New Year's Eve story: So I eventually make my way to Ms. Mae's on the swing back from downtown to uptown. With Linell (?) driving us around in his FJ (?) blasting Jim Jones (!), we arrived at the dive bar around 3 AM. We must have been there for a half-hour; I really had no concept of time at this point. In my yellow shirt and purple tie, I was dressed the part of Jackass LSU fan. There was some woman over fifty who either hated LSU or loved ND (probably the former). Anyway, she talked a good game so I humored her back with Tiger Baits and other taunts, all in good fun. Next thing I know, she punches me in the nose near the video poker machines. I mean, she got me; it was bleeding immediately. So I go to the bar to get some napkins and tell the regular bartender that this woman kind of hit me in the face. I expect them to tell her something accordingly, but three or four minutes later, the regular bouncer and a guy claiming to be an undercover cop told me I was being disruptive and asked me to leave. Being hard, I asked to see the cop's badge-- he had one. With the police station across the street, I decided not to say anything else. We then proceeded to stay out till 6:30 at the only bar uptown that I could get into, Snake and Jake's Christmas Lounge. Just be careful with your Tiger Baits, HTFers.

- Hey, there's a football game tonight! So far, I've received about 90 'Hey, ur going to destroy ND 2nite!' [sic] text messages; this is exactly what makes me worried. When's the last time LSU was favored by nine or ten over an eleventh-ranked team and actually dominated them? This game is going to be close for these reasons:

1. Notre Dame has lost eight straight bowl games by 17 ppg. Notre Dame and Weis have read and heard for a month now that they just cannot win a big game. We've got as much speed and talent (I get tired of that word) as ND's previous top-ten opponents (see USC, Michigan, Ohio State). ND's making the big trip to a city glad to welcome them; LSU is traveling a mere 80 miles, and there's a good chance Brandon LaFell left his toothbrush at home. This has fit the bowl game upset formula perfectly, actually.

I love the internet.

2. Give Charlie Weis a month to prepare, see what happens. Is anyone forgetting about Chaz's four Super Bowl rings? Pimpin' had extra time to prepare for big games and squeezed every bit of execution out of his less-talented offensive squad. What's different here? I'm glad Pellini has at least logged some office hours since the Arkansas game.

3. Jessie Daniels and Trin Trin have been suspended indefinitely. Just when I thought we'd survived a week in downtown New Orleans unscathed. Turns out two of my favorite Tigers broke curfew (along with some depth-chart cellar dwellers) and will be suspened accordingly. This might look bad on paper, but remember Country had been injured most of the season (Craig Steltz a worthy backup) and Trin touches the ball about two or three times a game. Still, I'd like to think we're mature enough to get through the bowl week with no disciplinary action.

4. Chris Jackson is keeping a Sugar Bowl diary. Just so you know.

I rode the Sheraton elevator, it was incredible. The bathrooms at Harrah's were just incredible.

5. All eyes on JaMarcus. This can't be a good thing. Remember the week after his 18/20, 3 TD performance against Mississippi State? He entered Florida as a bona fide Heisman candidate and had his worst game of the season with 3 INT. He is most certainly leaving for the NFL draft, leading to...

6. There are distractions across the board. JaMarcus, Glenn Dorsey, Ali Highsmith, and Early Doucet are mulling over their NFL futures. Jimbo Fisher interviewed for the Florida State OC position and now appears to have Alabama's for the taking. Our former coach just left the NFL for a divisional rival. Players' families are all over the city. I just kinda wish we traveled to the Rose Bowl.

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Notre Dame has the ball: Look for Weis to set up Brady Quinn with quick throws, similar to our bubble screens and wheel routes, to WRs Samardzija and McKnight. Darius Walker, a mediocre running back, should not amount to much of a factor except on delays, misdirections, and screens. Look for Weis to use LSU's defensive aggression to his advantage. Any passing routes that require more than three or four seconds could become disastrous for the young, undersized Irish offensive line. Any early turnovers for the Irish could eliminate them by halftime, so look for safe drives in the first quarter.

LSU has the ball: The Tigers will most certainly look to run the ball early. The Irish defensive backfield is suspect but will probably replace a linebacker with a DB to compensate. Spreading the defense with three or four wide receivers and following up with delayed runs should prove successful. If the running game is not there, the short-to-immediate timing routes could be dangerous given the Irish have used a month to prepare for them. If the line can give JaMarcus time and room to roll out, the 20-30 yard passes could become our most valuable plays.

Prediction: LSU takes an early lead but sloppy play keeps ND in the game. ND might even take a halftime lead, but LSU's depth takes over in the fourth. LSU 30 ND 21.

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HTF sincerely apologizes for the three-week layoff. Mea culpa. I'd like to thank my regular readers, namely Tank, Bubes, Spencer, and Burt, for their input and attention all season. I kinda like this blogging thing, just sorta ran out of things to talk about.

You're welcome.

For those reasons, HTF is technically retiring and moving in spirit to This Ain't No Bank Robbery, hosted by Tank himself. Look for a Sugar Bowl recap, National Championship preview/recap, and NFL playoff preview from me in the next week. Okay, maybe not all three of those.

Tiger. Bait.

- P.T.